One of those moments today that showed me how much i need to work on my listening!
I was busy today, had lots to get done in a short space of time. And I needed the kitchen tidy to do it. I instructed everyone to eat their breakfast so I could get dishes through and of course Mister 7 went slowly.
I was irritated. I wanted it done, I wanted him to do it and rather than being helpful, I seethed.
I know this kid. He's like me. Unless he's had his breakfast he's useless at organising breakfast. Especially if he's been up for a while. And he's volatile with low blood sugar. And it would've been a small thing to sit next to his distracted self and explain, and offer to help and gently keep him on task. But I wanted someone to look out for me this morning. I felt stressed and harried and that was all I could see.
The whole situation culminated in me not putting enough milk with his weet-bix... and mashing them up even though he told me he didn't like it that way... with him crying and running out of the room.... with me grumping... with lots of back and forth... with me thinking how trivial his upsets were and how hard it is to deal with such ridiculous people all day and then suddenly it struck me and I managed to be the adult in the situation (I guess SOMEBODY had to do it!!) "It makes you sad when I don't listen doesn't it?" I observed "YES" he wailed and just like that his posture changed, he went from being an angry, tense, little person to being my sweet soft and cuddly one. I apologised for not stopping to listen, explained that I was feeling a bit stressed that I had so much to do and that I had been so caught up in what I wanted that I hadn't stopped to help him with his breakfast when he needed it. And in a flash, the breakfast was eaten and he was gone and my kitchen was clear just the way I wanted.
It was about the weet-bix. But it wasn't really about the weet-bix. It was about me not knowing how he likes it, about me not caring, about me not listening, about me railroading him with my agenda. I just happened to do it with weet-bix.
I guess this is what it will be like with this kid. I am unlikely ever to be able to completely set myself aside, to be the perfect parent. We will have these clashes, these disconnected discordant times followed by fervent resolutions, times of deep connection and appreciation.
I strive to learn the ins and outs of him though, the deep waters, the ways we can be unified, to be not just a provider for him but a friend, someone he can trust to always have his best interests at heart.
No comments:
Post a Comment