I like to think as I grow older I'm getting better at thinking like a small person.
Miss 18 months was playing in a little play enclosure, it comes with just a few toys and it's a popular piece of equipment. I have seen kids of all ages use it in vastly different ways. Miss 2 came along and wanted in. It is definitely big enough for 2 willing children (and I do stress willing) but as I was supervising both girls I figured we could play a nice game with one out and one in. This we did for quite some time. Then Miss 2 wanted in. Miss 18 months registered her protest by screeching and looking very unhappy but she stayed her ground. Things held steady for a few minutes then in the space of a blink miss 2 had a handful of hair and was reaching for the other girls face. Luckily her mum was close by and she was swept up and off to something safer pretty quickly and I was left to deal with the now furious 2 year old.
From an adult perspective I see this: a child with no right or claim to a play space, not even the right of 'I was there first' is unjustifiably furious with another child for no reason other than a pig-headed refusal to let her have anything that looks good. So easy to go in with guns blazing and growl, force apology or enforce punishment. And probably quite justifiable too. But in this case I put my arms round her and listened 'she was in my way, I wanted her to go away' 'that must've made you feel really cross' 'yes, really cross'
What logic can I apply here? 'she wasn't in your way, she was doing her own thing?' well, she kind of was in my way, I was doing a thing too... 'suck it kiddo, you're going to have to concede a whole lot worse than that in your life!!!' Yeah, that was about all I could think of to say so I stopped with a cuddle and something along the lines of 'it's really hard to share sometimes'.
But it is!!! This kid is about to have a sibling arrive, sometimes sharing will be a complete joy to her but fairly often it will be tedious and annoying.
I think of how much I relate to those beautiful little mutinous pursed lips. Lately I've had to let my husband take over in the kitchen far more often than i like. Not that I'm any great cook but I have ways I like things done, places I like things to go, I'm left handed... and although I'm grateful I get to rest half of me is conserving my energy until I can get up and put everything back the way I want it. With fairly bad grace usually I might add. It's not MY kitchen or MY space or MY stuff and yet... sometimes it's so hard to share.
We'll both get there in the end but for now, that little play enclosure to those small girls, strictly a one player game. The other can come and play with me somewhere else while she waits.
