The Power of Praise

I read an article recently in this magazine which really challenged my thinking. If I misquote any please forgive me, I was waiting for someone while I read it, don't have a copy so I can't refer to it.... but I have been thinking about it so much since.

Basically it was about what our praise does to our kids. We praise our kids for everything, which is cool, we do it because we think they're great, and because we want them to keep doing all the good stuff they do. Like classical conditioning, we're trying to reward their good behaviour so they have pleasant associations with it and want to keep doing it. But what if kids aren't like little animals? What if they're critically thinking individuals with their own minds, ideas and wills?
I can't quote the sources but according to some studies quoted in the article, when kids were praised for sharing with other kids they actually shared less. It appears all the 'good sharing honey' stuff made the act of sharing into a way to get praise from a parent. Counter-intuitive huh?

The alternative: non-judgemental observations. Facts.

To say 'wow, good painting' makes painting something that's good or bad. To say 'look at your big brush strokes' or 'gee you've used lots of colours!!' allows painting to be something experimental, something that can be enjoyed for the brush strokes and the colours. Children are given the opportunity to decide for themselves if it's 'good' Or what about just 'you look like you're having fun!'

Let sharing be about making other people feel good. Instead of 'good job' try 'look at how much she's enjoying that toy' 'look at his big smile, see how happy he is that you gave him a turn on the digger'

I want my children to feel good about their creative selves, to feel confident in the value of their own explorations. I don't want them to grow up needing to seek other people's good opinions of themselves or their work to feel satisfied or worthy.